Same Difference
by HoneydewKisses
Summary: "When Natsume first comes into their class, Kitamoto thinks he's a little weird." A Kitamoto finds out about youkai story. Rated T for Nishimura's temper.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Natsume Yuujinchou.

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><p>Kitamoto has always been a good observer. Sometimes, he likes to watch people's expressions and guess what they're feeling or thinking.<p>

Most of the time, he's right.

Now, he's probably wrong.

Well, at least he thinks he **should** be wrong, because it's not right, is it, to think stuff like this about your friend. To think your friend can see... stuff. To think your friend, or friends, really, because it apparently takes two to tango, can see something you can't, something that shouldn't even exist, something called spirits.

But Natsume can.

Tanuma, too.

Though we probably should start at the beginning.

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><p>When Natsume first comes into their class, Kitamoto thinks he's a little weird.<p>

(Everyone does, though, so it's okay.)

When Nishimura and himself become friends with him, he gets weirder still.

(He's also shy, and quiet, and funny, and very, very kind. So it's okay.)

Even after having known him for some time, Kitamoto can't shake off the feeling that there's a side to Natsume they don't know. Like how he would just fall or trip sometimes, even though there's nothing there, and how he would get this pale, scared look when he thinks Kitamoto isn't looking. How he'd stare off into space, not in a way a daydreamer would, but like he was watching something very intently.

How he empties his water bottle over a spot on the street and talks to it while Kitamoto is rounding the corner.

You don't need to be a great observer to notice what's wrong about **that **situation.

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><p>From then on, Kitamoto watches. Not like he hasn't done it before, only then it was unconscious, something that was inherent in his nature, just like breathing.<p>

It's like an itch now. He doesn't really want to watch Natsume, his friend, his **normal** friend, who smiles gently, gets annoyed, rides a bicycle with them, forgets his homework and _talks to empty spaces._

Kitamoto doesn't want to do it. He** has** to.

It's because he's worried. Or is it curious? Creeped out? Fascinated?

Maybe it's all of them.

And so Kitamoto watches. He doesn't really notice anything new, though. Everything has always been there, in Natsume's gaze and gestures, it's just that they're all hidden in the background and only now that he's seen the main scene can he put the right meaning to them.

Rather anticlimactic, actually. Such a big revelation, such a big difference, but it didn't **change** anything, because he'd kind of known it all along, hadn't he? Natsume was still the same.

Just a little different.

However, there is something else Kitamoto sees. Some**one**, to be precise.

_"Natsume. Did you...? No, it's nothing"_

_"It looks like Natsume dropped something."_

_"Don't lie if you don't have to."_

Tanuma seems to know... things... about Natsume.

Which should be normal of course, they're friends after all, it's only...

Tanuma's gaze as he gazes out of the window is almost the same as Natsume's. More wistful, perhaps, more squinting, but Kitamoto is a good observer.

A decision maker, not so much.

For a long time, Kitamoto hesitates. He makes speeches, plans, and discards them again. He tries to forget, but can't. He should wait for his friend to tell them himself. But why doesn't Natsume do that? How long has this been going on? Aren't they friends? Doesn't he trust them? Why? Why?

For a short time, Kitamoto is bitter. Then he makes a decision.

To be honest is best, after all. Because Natsume **does** trust them. Just with different things. So when one day the four boys are eating lunch at a park – an almost deserted park, that's very important – Kitamoto just asks.

"Tanuma."

"Yeah?"

He pauses. It was easier in his imagination.

Also, it's probably better that Tanuma doesn't have an egg roll in his mouth for this particular conversation.

"You... Uhm..."

Here goes.

"Can you see spirits?"

Up to this very moment Kitamoto is prepared to have his friends laugh in his face. The deadly silence that follows his words doesn't necessarily dissipate this fear.

The expressions on Tanuma's and Natsume's faces do.

(Nishimura might still laugh, though.)

What follows would be a prime example for a silent conversation for any textbook.

Kitamoto knows that he doesn't understand half of what both boys must be feeling right now. He knows they're probably terrified, perhaps even angry at him for bringing out into the open what they've desperately kept to themselves for so long, but maybe, maybe somewhere deep down they're also relieved, at least a little.

He also knows these are things neither of them is ready to say out loud.

And so he looks. He looks at both of them and hopes against all odds that his body – gaze, expression, stance and everything in between – will convey what he desperately wants them to understand.

That at the end, everything will still be the the same.

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><p>Tanuma looks shocked. Natsume looks terrified.<p>

But Kitamoto has always been a good observer, and so he knows he's made the right decision in asking Tanuma. He couldn't even imagine how badly Natsume would have reacted to a direct question.

The dark haired boy risks a glance to his partner in crime (Kitamoto hides a grin at this particular nickname and files it away for later use), then seemingly comes to a decision.

"Eheh, how... How did you know?" An awkward smile.

Too awkward. Had he been wrong, after all?

"He can't!"

Natsume's voice sounds desperate and protective at once, almost as if he's trying to save Tanuma from a death sentence by offering his own life instead. Maybe he is, in his mind.

"It's my fault! If Tanuma's been acting weirdly, it's because of me. It's... me."

Tanuma sighs and Kitamoto gets the feeling that this is not the first time a conversation like this has occurred the two of them. Well, this **is** Natsume they're talking about, after all.

"Natsume. Don't lie. Everytime I helped you was because I **wanted** to." Then, to the other boys: "It's both of us. I can only see shadows and Natsume, he... He can see... more."

A short pause.

"Sorry we didn't tell you."

The silence lasts longer, now. Natsume doesn't raise his head the whole time.

Instead of feeling shocked, like Nishimura seems to be at the moment, Kitamoto is relieved.

This is a first step. Of course, they won't be able to avoid talking more about the issue, but it can wait for later. The barrier has finally cracked, if only a little.

The most important thing at this moment is not to drive them away. To break the silence somehow. Should he tell them they're still friends? But wouldn't that be too direct? Or maybe he should...

"No waaaaay~! You're kidding, right? How could you keep something this **cool **from us, you bastards!"

Everyone stares at Nishimura in astonishment.

(Kitamoto feels a little respect, though he will never admit it to the other. Ever.)

"...What? You feeling guilty, now? You should!"

Kitamoto smacks his friend on the back of his head.

Nishimura's indignant.

Tanuma laughs.

Natsume smiles.

And everything's the same, really.

Just different.

The End.

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><p>Thank you for reading my first fanfiction, I hope you liked it! Please take the time to leave a review, I'd love to get some feedback from you. :)<p> 


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